Lessons come when you least expect them

It has been a while since I've posted, but I needed to write something about this.  Lessons, they come when you least expect them.  When somebody tells me that I've done something wrong, for some reason it gets to me right in the core.  My chest and shoulders tighten, my stomach turns, my head is all over the place, pretty much I feel like crap and I want to cry like a baby... and sometimes I get really pissed at the person though really I'm mad at myself because I know better.

Here's the downlow-  I sing in a choir, I try not to wear perfume to rehearsal, but for some reason this afternoon I sprayed some on.  Apparently it was way too strong even though it was one squirt.  After rehearsal, a girl came up and told me that she believed that she was allergic to my hairspray.  Of course, I knew right away that it was my spritz.  I apologized, she said that she felt the need to tell me (in a very kind way), and that was it.  But here I am, feeling like crap because of one silly decision that I made.  Rolling the conversation in my head over and over, reliving it though it lasted for a grand total of 30 seconds.

Ah... so, who has the power right now?  She does.  My energy is completely her's.  This happens to people all the time.  You look at a situation (no matter the size), run it in your head like a movie stuck on repeat, and you aren't keeping your power, it's completely theirs.  Do you think that she'll tell her husband and some friends, of course... or will she?  Another lesson:  we tend to project what the other persons "future actions could be".  Again, there's absolutely nothing empowering about that, nothing, it's dis-empowering.  You're not living in the moment if you're projecting, that's a total imaginary state.  Imagination-  it can be an amazing tool, and it can drag you down so fast you won't even know what hit ya.

This is a tough but great lesson for me personally.  I have always tried to "predict" the future, what are they going to say, do, what do they think of me, etc.  It took my entire drive home to quiet my ego, which is part of the reason why I'm writing this out.  It's my way of expressing how I feel in a way in which I can see the lessons as I type them out.  I guess you can say that I'm releasing.

The ego, ah the ego.  When it get's hurt, told that it's wrong, oh boy, it starts playing the woe is me game.  But it also does something else, it makes you feel bad, guilt.  It try's to skip out on taking responsibility, and instead flips it so that it's all your fault instead of just saying: 'ooo, my bad, let me make a better decision next time'.

So how the heck do you quiet the ego?  You acknowledge it, you acknowledge that the ego "feels bad", that's it's hurt, that it could even be scared of stepping into a point of apology and humility.  You assist yourself in taking responsibility for your actions, but you do that with complete Love and Compassion.  It's about being Gentle with yourself, saying "yep, I unintentionally screwed up, but I have learned my lesson'.

By taking responsibility for those actions that may have ruffled some feathers, you are also opening your Heart to bringing the power back to you, which is where it needs to be in order to continue past a situation.

If a small situation such as perfume brings up this much angst, imagine the bigger things!  Don't sweat the small stuff is very true, because the big things will melt you if you do!

Here's to all of your little and big situations.  Let yourself feel them, even if they feel completely yucky, because the lessons, growth and empowerment that comes out the other end is totally worth it!

Your's in Harmony!
~A