... and then...

It has been a tough few weeks for me. In my excitement of gaining knowledge towards my path, I took on a few more things than I should have. With that brought on a lot of overwhelm, and saboteur voices screaming in my head "Ha, you can't get it done. I knew you couldn't. How are you going to handle it down the road? Quit now!"

Then, I had to work on something that made me very uncomfortable, and then I had to contact a few people that I had been putting off b/c again it made me uncomfortable, and then my mom got really mad at me, then my daughter came down with some nasty upper respiratory junk... and then...

...and then I discovered http://www.doasone.com/. My friend had posted a link on Facebook, so I followed it. I tried some of the breathing techniques. I did their "Calm" room for 5 minutes (check out the site and you'll see what I'm talking about). The session finished, and I was totally refreshed.

Just minutes after I was done, the phone rang. My mom was really aggravated with me. Her words flew out at the speed of light, but yet her ears were as still and shut off as Paris in a blizzard. I felt completely unappreciated for all of the hard work I had been doing. Why did she not see it?

When we hung up, I was immediately thankful that I had just done the Calm breathing. Was it luck that I had discovered it? Nope. I don't believe in luck anymore. I have come to realize that everything happens when it's supposed to.

After taking a little time, I acknowledged that I was doing everything I was supposed to, and that I had to take myself out of the equation, listening between her words to pin point her frustration. Immediately, the signs pointed to her frustration of no longer being completely in charge of her home. No longer being able to clean her own driveway. Having to have it cleaned because she can't get out if it's not... Ah... by taking the ME out, I was quickly able to forgive, come up with a compromise, and feel complete in the process.

... and then yesterday, our daughter became quite ill. I stayed up with her all night. My husband saw how tired I was and how bad of a day it would have been if he had gone to work, so he decided to stay home and help me out. This gave me the opportunity to "Love Stream" Sunday service from http://www.agapelive.com/. Agape International is the congregation lead by Michael Bernard Beckwith, who is absolutely amazing!

Everything in my being was screaming out, you must live stream this service! So, listening to my heart, I got on. The lessons in his service pertained directly to the past few weeks... as well as everyday! A big one was "being grateful of our challenges because they are LESSONS". Just being GRATEFUL! Living a life of Love vs. the life of Survival.
We all wake up in survival mode: "what are we going to have to deal with today?" "Am I going to have enough money for bills this month?" It's a lot of pressure that we put on ourselves...

In that moment, I realized that I was in total Survival mode!! I've been working on my Spirituality, but I forgot the main components: Love, Gratefulness, Compassion, Spirit, Inwardness...

I was so caught up in my old way of thinking, 'and then this happened, and that happened'. The victim mentality came back, and I had slipped into it like a glass slipper. I was a bit shocked at how easy I slipped back into the old way of thinking.

That's why it was so uncomfortable for the past few weeks. By going back to the laundry list of vicitm'hood, I spent so much time worried, tired, retelling the stories over and over, that there was no space for me to receive the guidance that I needed. Thank goodness that I fell!

'You liked falling?' I did, because I learned a lot from it! By falling, going through it, and then acknowledging what I was doing, thus snapping myself out of it, I was not only able to come out of that frame of mind sooner, but the lessons were so worth it!! I grew, and that is such a blessing!! I have been asleep for so long, that the lessons are such a breath of peaceful air!

So, no more "and then", how about "this happened, I learned this... so, what's for dinner?" The stories no longer need to take up that precious room. Learn from them, release them to the great recycle bin of life, and "keep on Loving Life and Living Love!"